LACK OF EXPERIENCE

Back in 2015, I decided to start a street wear brand. I had accumulated so many designs as a graphic designer over the years, it just made sense to display them on clothes. However, after a couple of failed attempts to launch, I quickly realized designing graphics and designing clothes was not a seamless transition as I had hoped.

When I first started production on Brn Crtv, I had no idea what I was doing. My formal education definitely wasn’t in fashion so I relied solely on my experience as a graphic designer, my memories of modeling in fashion shows and my creative, sometimes over the top ideas. Looking back, It was a learning curve to say the least. However, this lack of experience not only impeded production, but also, my confidence. I was kneading my ideas but was not seeing the growth. There was still so much to learn not only about the business but also, about myself through this journey.

PERFECTIONISM ADDICTION

There’s a phrase I always refer to when I observe others who spend a lot of time going no where fast. The “Hamster In A Wheel” idiom. You are working tirelessly but nothing seems to pan out or pay off. Yep, that was me. Not because I wasn’t physically turning over results. It was because what I was turning over didn’t feel good enough so I always felt the need to perfect it; which turned into negative thinking patterns and unrealistic expectations. I was trying to reach a certain standard that I hadn’t developed the tools to do yet and so I undervalued my ability to do great things. I had no idea I was developing negative behavioral patterns; that I often kept to myself, until I realized how much I was sabotaging my own greatness through my limiting beliefs.

LIMITING BELIEFS

Fast forward to 2019 right at inception of the pandemic, I was still designing but I had hung up my aspirations to create a clothing brand. At least that’s thought. I had been doing a lot of reading on personal development and begin doing manifestation meditation. I had came across article on Jerry Lorenzo, the owner and creator of Fear Of God where he shared his personal journey in the fashion industry. He said he took a leap of faith and launched his fashion brand in 2012. Even with his lack of industry know-how and no training, his convictions and experiences is what brought him success.

“I literally knew nothing,” he says. “I didn’t know about production, seasons, how to make a pattern…. I felt like there was something missing in my closet. And if it was missing in mine, then it must be missing in yours, too.”

Photo: fearofgod.com

What struck me more so, after finding more articles on him, I realized he was a familiar face from my clubbing days lol. He was the nice, quiet promoter at some of LA’s hottest clubs back in the day. We were always cordial but personal but there was always something about him that was different from the other promoters and well hey, what do you know!

His story inspired and motivated me. I wanted to make my contribution to the universe so I tapped into my inner creator and revisited my love for fashion and design. This time with a whole new outlook I realized when I first attempted my fashion brand, part of my complacency was my limiting beliefs. We’ve all experienced at one point and time where we continuously talk our self out of progression because of self-doubt, judgement and fear of what others would think. A lot that fear comes from the assumption of not being accepted through the “struggle” or as I like to say the “growth journey”. Shit, who really wants to display their struggles? Have you been on social media lately?! It’s a cruel world out there. It’s the highlight of our lives for many brand builders and Influencers. But I digress.

MY INNER CREATOR

My Why Factor – I was too judgy of myself; we all are at times, and wasn’t giving myself enough grace. Even external validation wasn’t enough so I knew the work had to start within. At the height of the pandemic, while trying to find solace in uncertain times, I spend day after day in gratitude how fortunate I was to be where I was in life and having the ability to do the things I loved to do. I became more self- compassionate and gained a deeper understanding that my reaction to all my negative thoughts was more important that the thoughts themselves. I also realized I was capable of great things. The skills I was so critical of early on that came so easily to me were an asset to others. I needed to know that. These were my talents; and then it hit me. I want to design clothes that not only make fashion statements but also, reminds us all that our talents are our gifts and our purpose.

Same passion. New beginnings.